World's Most Pointless Food: Edible Birds Nest

In sea-side caves in parts of Asia, most notably Indonesia and Thailand, there is a species of swift, a bird, that regurgitates protein-laden mucus and fashions it into a nest. It's been doing it for thousands of years, so unsurprisingly someone at some point happened by and said to themselves 'Yeah, I'd eat that.' These days, a kilo of nests can fetch thousands of dollars, with price reflecting supposed quality, because eating a bad batch of bird mucus would just be gross. There are two slight variations on the origin story of this, the most pointless of foods.

In the first version there was once an emperor who was ancient, wise, kind, powerful and really good at volleyball. He was also quite the gourmand, and was constantly in search of new foods to sample. One day, a devoted servant made him a soup out of this Edible Birds Nest. He tried it, said something to the tune of 'Eh, it's pretty good I guess', and the people rejoiced by chowing down on any Edible Birds Nest they could get their hands on.
The second version involves another ancient emperor who was neither wise nor kind, but made up for it by being vicious and crazy. He too was quite the gourmand and always had servants out in search of new foods. All his cooks who failed to deliver to his exacting standards of originality and tastefulness were swiftly (and presumably tastefully) executed. One such cook, completely out of ideas but not wanting to end up like his predecessor, came across these nests one day and just tossed one into a soup as a last resort. He fearfully delivered the soup to his emperor who tried it, but then declared this Edible Birds Nest to be boring, just like plain old regular soup. Seeing his life flash before his eyes, the cook took this opportunity to frantically ad-lib any health benefits he could lay his mind on. To this, the emperor replied 'Oh. Why didn't you say so?' The emperor finished his soup, sighed contentedly and then declared, based on his expansive knowledge of nutrition, that the Edible Birds Nest did indeed have health benefits. But because the emperor was, classically speaking, a dick, he went and had everyone else who knew about this miracle food, other than the cook, killed in order to protect the knowledge. From then on, the cook would give the nesting cave's location to other servants who would go and get the nests only to be killed on their return.

World's Most Pointless Food: Edible Birds Nest

And really, not a whole lot has changed since then. Harvesting the nests is still ridiculously dangerous work, done in the darkness of caves, hundreds of feet in the air, supported only with rickety bamboo scaffolds, slippery with accumulated bird crap. Falls are common – some figures put the risk of work-related death at 1 in 60. It's hard to tell though. The ridiculous amount of money to be had from nests forces most Edible Birds Nest businesses to keep an extremely low profile. They don't want to give away the location of their caves for fear of poachers and they don't want to open up their collecting teams (which always include armed guards) to bandit attacks. And it totally happens. Groups of people have literally entered into open gunfights over these freaking Edible Birds Nests. In Thailand in the 1990s, for instance, one such clash left 29 people dead. And it's not a problem that can be solved with open access either. Indonesia's Berau district tried that once, and never again. When they opened a cave to the public, the public wasted absolutely no time in going completely nuts – murder and robbery became the order of the day.

These days, a system has emerged:

Edible Birds Nest businesses bid against each other for the rights to harvest certain caves, and harvest they do. As you can imagine, tearing down a nest every time it makes one can get discouraging for the bird, and most swifts will give up after two or three attempts a year at starting a family, which isn't great news for the population of the species. Whittling away at the population of an animal isn't anything new though. What's slightly more intriguing in this often happens in national parks. So just how much damage is being done to the Swift populations here? Who knows. When government forestry officials come by to do their job, they're flat out told to piss off. However, the guards are somewhat less considerate to locals, tourists and any other passer by, and are known for having a tendency to shoot people on sight, simply for accidentally drifting a bit too close to their cave islands.

So what's it all about then?

What's the deal with the actual food? That bird phlegm must taste incredible, and those health benefits must be amazing, right? Well, that depends on who you ask. Purveyors of Edible Birds Nest are insistent that it's definitely good for you. Of course, it has a rejuvenating, anti-aging effect (because honestly, what miracle food doesn't?) and it has a whole set of other benefits, each more impressively vague than the last, culminating with “Previous clinical researches have concluded that Edible Birds Nest has a sweet and calm character.” Oh good. Clinically shown to have a sweet and calm character. Maybe the next phase of this “clinical researches” can be dedicated to establishing whether adding tomato to a sandwich makes the bread feel insecure. The one thing all Edible Birds Nest vendors agree on is that the stuff is definitely good for the libido... which would be slightly more impressive if there was a single ancient Chinese remedy that wasn't meant to improve your sex life.
Ok, let's set aside the semi-literate Edible Birds Nest hawkers, and instead see what people have actually concluded about the health benefits of Edible Birds Nest. Well, so far, they've concluded that Edible Birds Nests definitely exist, either do or do not have health benefits, and may or may not kill you. Applying a swift dose of common sense, one can safely assume that even if the stuff did have health benefits, one would need to knock back about a dozen bowls of this stuff a day, and given how much it costs, that's a tall order. And even if you do, it's not like you're going to enjoy your meal. At best, the nests "taste of nothing whatsoever." At worst, they probably taste like a feathery urinal. People die for it, it's outrageously expensive, it has no proven health benefits and it is one of the more objectively nasty foods out there. It has absolutely nothing going for it. It truly is the world's post pointless food. A more informative person than I, however, might have mentioned that most nests these days come from fairly safe and sustainable bird houses, but you'll have to find that person and get them to mention it, because I didn't.

Edible Birds Nest Delivery

We are a premium supplier of Edible Birds Nest, which delivers Edible Birds Nests all over the world. The company has developed a reputation for itself with time as a dependable supplier of Edible Birds Nests. The company specializes in helping customers to export Edible Birds Nests to China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, Australia, USA & many other countries.

We provide one-stop export services for Edible Birds Nests. We also assist the customers to export Edible Birds Nests to China and Hong Kong. You do not need to go anywhere else for procuring services like obtaining necessary documents from local authorities, custom clearance, and transportation in China, etc.

With us, you can get the following benefits:

Dependable team 可靠团队

Once you have handed over your duties to us, you can depend on our team for timely completion of your formalities and delivery of your goods.

Safe & reliable custom handling 可靠通关处理

The customs are handled in strictly professional manner and all norms are complied. The process of exporting Edible Birds Nests to China or any other country is legal and the customers do not have to face any harassment from the country’s officials.

Simple procedure 简易程序

Since the company, is taking care of all your formalities and documentations, the customers are left with minimum hassles. Therefore, the overall procedure of exporting Edible Birds Nests becomes very simple for the clients.

Speedy delivery 快速运送

The shelf life of Edible Birds Nests is only a few days. That is why; we ensures that your goods reach on time to any country you wish to export.

Large cargo for big volume 大批货柜

If the customers want to send large volumes of Edible Birds Nests, company takes charge to send large cargos with minimal fees.

Cleaning process

The cleaning process of a Edible Birds Nest includes manual cleansing, which is performed by skilled hands. It is not as simple as it sounds; it is definitely an elaborate process. Moreover, many unscrupulous and cunning companies and businesspersons indulge in dishonest practices such as using chemical agents and bleach for easy cleaning to cope with high demand.
However, we do not just aim to earn profits by compromising with their customers’ health. Our workers collect the nests from the farmhouses or caves and bring them to the warehouse for processing. Absolute hygiene is maintained during the cleaning process of Edible Birds Nests. The well-trained employees then start the process of natural cleansing according to the standards of Department of Standards Malaysia as well as the rules set by international food certification.
The Edible Birds Nests are first washed with distilled water. Under the supervision of experts, we use sterilized tools to clean every corner of nests. This process takes a long time to remove grass, feathers and other foreign elements. Even after this step, outside elements adhere to the nests, which are then removed using forceps. We strictly against the use of chemicals and bleaches for cleaning process.
The Edible Birds Nests are then kept in moulds specially crafted for the purpose. Then, they are kept in freezers to dry. The nests are also dried under fans. The last step is to pass all nests through accurate and severe selection, quality control, safety, and health inspection.
Once the cleaning process is complete, the nests are packaged into boxes, labeled, and released for delivery. It is ensured beforehand that the nests are free of fungus, insects, or any kind of contaminants and additives. This makes the Edible Birds Nests retain their natural nutrients. Moreover, you get our products at the most competitive price in market.